I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
we're so committed to being not committed
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
