he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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