didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
