I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
