Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
