My first STD was from a foam party
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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