he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
