I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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