he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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