Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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