Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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