Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I have tasted many bathrooms
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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