He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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