We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
