please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
