They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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