I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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