Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
