In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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