I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
