is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
