is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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