She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Randomize
