we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Drunk is a universal language darling
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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