i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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