Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
