I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
