Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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