I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
