great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
