We need to rekindle our bromance
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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