the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
