The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
