it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
