you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
