He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
