i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
