We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
