a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
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