I seem to have left my pride at pride
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
