are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
