As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
