mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
