Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
i think we sleep fucked last night...
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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