i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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