you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
