I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
