They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
