i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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