I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
